A little Humor in Political Definitions

With the Washington state Legislature convening in regular session Monday, we may begin hearing words and phrases that are unfamiliar to the average resident.

As a public service, here is a glossary of some of those terms in hopes of helping voters and taxpayers follow the sometimes-complicated goings on in the Legislative Building in Olympia.

Committees – Groups of senators or representatives who take perfectly good legislative ideas and render them unrecognizable and ineffective. This process is known as “perfecting.”

Caucus – Members of a legislative body who are divided by a common party.

Bicameral – What the Washington Legislature is, as opposed to legislatures that are heterocameral and homocameral.

Effective Date – The date a bill, once passed, becomes law (as opposed to when a law becomes effective which is oftentimes never – see above).

Engrossed Bill – Any bill having to do with unappealing issues such as animal husbandry, sewage treatment and campaign finance reform.

Ethics – What your side has.

Conflict of Interest – What the other side has.

Governor – The state’s top elected official, who proposes budgets she doesn’t support and supports tax increases she doesn’t propose.

Senate Majority Leader – Person who leads Senate Democratic members, at least until she runs for governor.

Speaker of the House – Person on House floor who speaks the least.

Speaker Pro Tem – Person on House floor who speaks the fastest.

Majority Whip – Person who tries to round up the votes of majority party members on important issues, like the budget and when to break for lunch.

Call to order – What the majority whip does to arrange for lunch delivery.

Minority Leader – Person who leads the party with the fewest members. He or she tries to present opposing viewpoints when not doing Sudoku.

Minority Whip – Device used on former state Rep. Richard Curtis in Spokane hotel rooms.

Flash Calendar – See above.

Grandfather Clause – Santa’s dad.

Hearing – Where legislative committees do their work.

Listening – What rarely happens at legislative hearings.

Pages – Young people, usually high school students, who learn about the Legislature while running errands. Are considered equally powerful as the minority party.

Interns – Young people, usually college students, who work long hours for little pay. Are considered more powerful than the minority party.

Lobbyist – Person hired by special interests to advocate for passage of legislation and to keep legislators from ever picking up a check.

Motion – A request that the House or Senate take a certain action. Never to be mistaken for progress.

Joint Committee – Special legislative committee that will consider House Democrats’ bills to legalize marijuana.

Refer – Motion to send bills to the Joint Committee.

Re-Refer – When the Joint Committee holds onto legislation too long. Also known as bogarting a bill.

Special session – What is convened when the Legislature does not finish its work on time or when members are suffering from low self-esteem.

Sponsor – Legislators who introduce a bill or the special interest group that paid to get them elected.

Per Diem – Latin term for daily allowance paid to legislators for living expenses. Actual translation is: “And still they never pick up a check.”

Press Corps – Reporters who cover the Legislature on a daily basis. Not to be confused with press corpse.

Approach the Bar – What legislators do when lobbyists forget to close their bar tabs.

Sine Die – Another Latin term used for the final day of any session. Actual translation is: “We’ve done enough damage for one year.”

Striking Amendment – An amendment that either replaces all language in underlying bill or an amendment that is especially attractive.

Bill – Name of guy who calls lobbyists’ offices asking for campaign contributions.

Veto – Name of guy who shows up at lobbyists’ offices if their campaign contribution checks are late.

WAC – What Veto does to lobbyists whose campaign contribution checks are late.

RCW – Acronym for Restricted Club of Washington, what the UW will be after yet-another round of higher education budget cuts.

Relieved – Emotion felt by voters when Legislature adjourns.